talk about ghosts exclusively on the first date

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tell me im cute then fuck me

I will not. I will tell you that you are beautiful. Then i will take you to the park and we will have an amazing time and mabe stare into eachothers eyes and kiss for a while. Mabe we will take some time and stare at the clouds while we hold eachothers hands. And then whem it starts to get late, ill take you home and wish you good night as I kiss your forehead amd say, “I cant wait to see you tomorrow.”


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this is what yahoo paid 1.1 billion dollars for


do you ever wonder how many tourist photos you’re in the background of

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there is a reason I’m single and it’s called my face

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You would think that teenagers would be the rudest customers when really it’s mostly old, middle-aged people. 


The elderly are either adorable or the wrinkly reincarnation of Satan there is no in between

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legal tip: if a cop catches you smoking weed, be sure to tell them “whoever smelt it dealt it” because then they have to arrest themselves. trust me im a lawyerman

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I knew you would fuck me up. And I let you in anyway.
- Midnight thoughts (I’m so stupid)
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instead of sending me nudes you can send me 

  • pics of you smiling with ur fave stuffed animal
  • pics of you smiling with ur mom 
  • pics of plants
  • pics of ur dog
  • pics of silly lookin bugs that u find 

send me the nudes while this geek eats a flower

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me: hey i’m kinda good at this writing thing
*reads other people’s writing*
me: i am a literary potato

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